Day 12 You Don't Always Have to Be Right

I do not actively argue with my husband because HE is the one who always has to be right. But after reading this chapter I learned a few things.

• Be a willing spirit and open yourself up to what your heart tells you is right. Look at this as investing in your marriage.
• Give up the need to be right. It's not important enough to make your point.
• Your spouse isn't your enemy. They are a human being with feelings all their own. Keep in mind that the same situation seen through two separate sets of eyes result in two separate perspectives. Each of our views are influenced by our drastically different backgrounds and experiences.
• Choose to honor the person you love and their opinions whether you agree or disagree.

Day 11 Cherish Your Spouse

When we've been in a frustrating marriage long enough we tend to turn inward. It's no longer about the other person, it's about us. Cherishing someone means putting in the work that is required to keep the relationship healthy and happy. When your old car starts to fall apart and costs more to maintain or repair than it's worth you trade it in for a new one. If a blanket/quilt that your great grandmother made gets a tear then you repair it, you keep it safe. So is your spouse like a car that needs to be replaced or are they in need of being cherished?

Once I took a good look at the fact that I have quite often thought of my husband as someone I should trade in for a "better" model I also realized that splitting up wouldn't solve anything. I had to change my thinking and learning to cherish my spouse is yet another step that I need to embrace.

Today's challenge: Act out a gesture that says "I cherish you"

This may sound silly, but as domestically challenged as I have been over the last 10 years, I have decided to embrace keeping up the piles of laundry, pack his lunch and make sure dinner is on the table when he gets home.

Yeah this sounds rather June Cleaver but hubby will be happy with it.

Day 10 Loving Unconditionally

So if any of your spouse's are like mine, they think that the behavior over the last few days/weeks is strange but may not actually believe that it will be a permanent change. This has started a little bit of resentment on my end because I am making an effort. Unfortunately I get the not so subtle "how long will this phase last" sort of look.

Just when I'm getting ready to smack him in the head "Snap out of it!" I come across day 10. Once again the higher power knows just what to say to you when you need it.

Unconditional love says it all. This sort of love comes from spiritual strength and not from human strength. Marriage cannot be ruled by whether or not you are awesome friends or having great sex (or not having sex). You love because you choose to; not because they are acting lovable. If you have kids then you know all about this. They may be throwing temper tantrums or throwing around teen hormones and somehow you still love them. I have four kids so we have approached virtually every stage at this point.

I am now challenged to use that same unconditional love towards my husband. He was chosen for me and I have to trust that decision. As much as I can't help wondering:  How can I show love towards my hubby even if he isn't returning it in the way I am hoping for? I have to move forward into unconditional love.

The Challenge: To do something out of the ordinary to prove that I am choosing to love and not here out of obligation.

Day 9 Make a Good Impression

What it really boils down to is how you greet your spouse and the rest of your family. If you are trying to make a good impression on someone you don't greet them with a nasty tone or a list of things that need to be done. You certainly don't hide in another room when they arrive at your home or ignore them when you go to their home.

We often (myself included) find ourselves busy when our spouse arrives home. Or maybe we're mad about something that happened earlier in the day and we want to vent as soon as they walk through the door.

The Love Dare challenges us to reverse the roles with our spouse. Imagine that you have been at work all day dealing with your normal crazy work situations and now pick how you would love for your spouse to greet you.

I've often envisioned actually being greeted by a hug and a kiss. I want a genuine "I miss you" type feeling. I want the soft place to land and the security of knowing that I am in a loving environment.

The Challenge: Rethink how you greet your spouse from the time you wake up to the time you go to bed. I will confess that I'm still working on this. It's a conscious effort everyday.

Day 8: You Can't Be Jealous of Their Success

Ok so the actual Love Dare title is Love is Not Jealous but this sounded so much more in your face. The very idea is that we are often jealous of our spouse's hobbies, success at work, or maybe even the way the kids listen to them. Come on, admit it. You really never actually wanted to say "Wait til your father gets home", right? You really just want the kids to show you the same respect they do him. Or maybe he is getting praise and promotions at work while you're the one cleaning up dog poop and kid vomit and you're wondering when you are going to get a shower. Who's there to tell YOU "good job, well done"?

Guess what? True love isn't about being jealous of what they have or who they are. It's about being his biggest cheerleader. Yes I  have as hard of a time with this as the next person. I mean after all, I don't get an award for having dinner on the table every night.

It's not about me. I have a hard time swallowing that. I think it stems from childhood where I have always had to speak up in order to be heard and not ignored. In reality, sometimes we have to take a step back and let them have their moment to shine so that we can get rid of the selfishness and the resentment.

Today's challenge: Focus on your hubby's success, say a prayer for their continued health and take a match to that list of negative things you wrote yesterday. Make sure you do this in a bowl or near the sink or something. You want the list to burn, not the curtains.

Day 7: Love Believes the Bestest

I was going to post this really cool picture, or at least go hunt for one because you know all awesome blogs need pictures, right? Then I realized that all of the thoughts boiling over in my head would be strangely disconnected to the passion that I wanted to put into this post. So I decided to forgo the picture. I will admit that it's taken me a while to get to day 7 and I suppose that God had a purpose in all of this. You see, this past weekend was a particularly unpleasant one. What made it even worse is that we just "celebrated" our 15th wedding anniversary. I thought things were so much better between us and then kaboom, everything blew up. Apparently I still have the "same old problems" that I've had for a while now. So instead of sweet talk this weekend there was arguing.

What does all of this have to do with Love Believes the Best? Well if I had actually read this on the actual 7th day from starting the Love Dare then I would have ended up not seeing what God needed me to see. I won't go into the gory details, let's just say that I truly understand that nothing is going to change without me changing my attitude about being a grownup.

Today is all about the positive and negative aspects of our spouse. For those in the pit, where I am, all we can see are the negative things about our marriage. You know, all those things that sit in the back of our mind waiting for a fight to happen so that we can throw them in our spouse's face? Yep that negativity. Not only do I know the pit well, after this weekend I know that my husband is in the same pit.
The positive area is located more in my memory. The memories of how it used to be, of all the great things he did or said to me when we were first together. These include the glimpses I see of that person when he's with the kids.

The challenge: Make a list of the positive reasons you fell in love. Make another list of all the negative things in your dark little pit. Pick one thing off the good list and pray/meditate on it.

My heart aches for the person I long to be and the husband I wish him to still be. So I will press onward in this journey to learn to love again.

Day 6- Love is Not Cranky Er Irritable

You know you've been there. You're husband is complaining about something and you are instantly defensive. He may even have a relevant complaint or problem but you are already so high strung that the smallest comment sends you into a ranting lunatic.

I'm the one in the back raising my hand. This chapter asks: Are you a calm breeze in your home or a storm waiting to release it's torrential wind and rain down upon your spouse?

More often than not I have been the backbuilding tornado just waiting for an optimal place to land. Why is that? Because my husband should understand what I go through in a day! Because he shouldn't complain that  there isn't any clean underwear or that I threw together some spaghetti at the very last minute because I just had too much to do!!!

I have the same 24 hours in a day as everyone else. So why does my "to-do" list NEVER get finished unless it is something I truly desire to do? Because I spend the day trying to do the things I want to do and not what needs to be done. The things that need to be completed to take care of my family fall by the wayside and I end up re-acting instead of being proactive. This results at being irritable most of the time and resentful of being asked why basic things are not completed.

In short, I AM SELFISH. This is a very hard thing for me to admit. I stay stressed 90% of the time because I choose to watch a television show or sleep in or take a nap or read a book instead of taking care of what needs to be done now to head off any complaints or shortages.

This chapter attacked something that I would rather not admit. It pointed out something that brought home it's not the kids fault for complaining about when is lunch. It's not hubby's fault that he is upset that he has to step over a pile of laundry in the bathroom because I haven't "had time to do it". In all honesty if I sit down and plan out my day. There is plenty of time to get it done.

If I truly love my husband and my children then I will save television, books and sleeping for certain times of the day and only AFTER my responsibilities are taken care of. After all, I am a work at home mom who's job is to take care of my family and my home. If I had a job outside the home I wouldn't be able to sleep on the job.

Challenge:
Choose to react to your day with love instead of irritation. Look at your daily schedule to see how you can reduce stress and selfishness in your life. Look at your motivation behind your schedule if necessary.