Day 12 You Don't Always Have to Be Right

I do not actively argue with my husband because HE is the one who always has to be right. But after reading this chapter I learned a few things.

• Be a willing spirit and open yourself up to what your heart tells you is right. Look at this as investing in your marriage.
• Give up the need to be right. It's not important enough to make your point.
• Your spouse isn't your enemy. They are a human being with feelings all their own. Keep in mind that the same situation seen through two separate sets of eyes result in two separate perspectives. Each of our views are influenced by our drastically different backgrounds and experiences.
• Choose to honor the person you love and their opinions whether you agree or disagree.

Day 11 Cherish Your Spouse

When we've been in a frustrating marriage long enough we tend to turn inward. It's no longer about the other person, it's about us. Cherishing someone means putting in the work that is required to keep the relationship healthy and happy. When your old car starts to fall apart and costs more to maintain or repair than it's worth you trade it in for a new one. If a blanket/quilt that your great grandmother made gets a tear then you repair it, you keep it safe. So is your spouse like a car that needs to be replaced or are they in need of being cherished?

Once I took a good look at the fact that I have quite often thought of my husband as someone I should trade in for a "better" model I also realized that splitting up wouldn't solve anything. I had to change my thinking and learning to cherish my spouse is yet another step that I need to embrace.

Today's challenge: Act out a gesture that says "I cherish you"

This may sound silly, but as domestically challenged as I have been over the last 10 years, I have decided to embrace keeping up the piles of laundry, pack his lunch and make sure dinner is on the table when he gets home.

Yeah this sounds rather June Cleaver but hubby will be happy with it.

Day 10 Loving Unconditionally

So if any of your spouse's are like mine, they think that the behavior over the last few days/weeks is strange but may not actually believe that it will be a permanent change. This has started a little bit of resentment on my end because I am making an effort. Unfortunately I get the not so subtle "how long will this phase last" sort of look.

Just when I'm getting ready to smack him in the head "Snap out of it!" I come across day 10. Once again the higher power knows just what to say to you when you need it.

Unconditional love says it all. This sort of love comes from spiritual strength and not from human strength. Marriage cannot be ruled by whether or not you are awesome friends or having great sex (or not having sex). You love because you choose to; not because they are acting lovable. If you have kids then you know all about this. They may be throwing temper tantrums or throwing around teen hormones and somehow you still love them. I have four kids so we have approached virtually every stage at this point.

I am now challenged to use that same unconditional love towards my husband. He was chosen for me and I have to trust that decision. As much as I can't help wondering:  How can I show love towards my hubby even if he isn't returning it in the way I am hoping for? I have to move forward into unconditional love.

The Challenge: To do something out of the ordinary to prove that I am choosing to love and not here out of obligation.

Day 9 Make a Good Impression

What it really boils down to is how you greet your spouse and the rest of your family. If you are trying to make a good impression on someone you don't greet them with a nasty tone or a list of things that need to be done. You certainly don't hide in another room when they arrive at your home or ignore them when you go to their home.

We often (myself included) find ourselves busy when our spouse arrives home. Or maybe we're mad about something that happened earlier in the day and we want to vent as soon as they walk through the door.

The Love Dare challenges us to reverse the roles with our spouse. Imagine that you have been at work all day dealing with your normal crazy work situations and now pick how you would love for your spouse to greet you.

I've often envisioned actually being greeted by a hug and a kiss. I want a genuine "I miss you" type feeling. I want the soft place to land and the security of knowing that I am in a loving environment.

The Challenge: Rethink how you greet your spouse from the time you wake up to the time you go to bed. I will confess that I'm still working on this. It's a conscious effort everyday.